Pain, Pleasure, Pride and a Giving Spirit

Even under ideal circumstances, making a lifestyle change is difficult.  There is a lot of truth to the saying, “Old habits die hard.”  And new habits, especially healthy ones, can be difficult to establish.  And while forming healthy habits is a challenge, with challenge comes opportunity.

For most of my life I was a professional coach potato.  It was a real struggle for me to start exercising.  Learning how to run was a slow and challenging process – mentally and physically.  Every step was difficult.  Not a day passed when I didn’t think about quitting; that lasted for many months. But when I reached my first major fitness goal - finishing a 5K race without walking, I finally experienced the pleasure and pride that accompanied my accomplishment.   It was a deeply satisfying experience.

Despite all my success, as I mentioned in a recent blog entry, I am still struggling to re-establish a regular running routine.  But this weekend I was reminded of an important life lesson that has reinvigorated me.  Sometimes it is rewarding to forget our own struggles and pay attention to other people.

A few years ago Colleen and I became close with Jim and Sue.  They are the parents of our daughter’s best friends.  Recently, Jim and Sue had expressed some interest in running.  On Saturday the three of us went for a three mile walk-run.  We alternated run-walk segments and took it very slow.  Everything went well.  We agreed to try it again on Sunday morning.

As the three of us started running down a local bike path together on Sunday morning it became clear that Sue was struggling.  After just a few hundred yards she had fallen behind Jim and me.   I decided to fall back and run with her.  I encouraged her whenever possible; and every now and then we walked a little extra.  While she complained in a light hearted way, and resisted me at times, she finished the entire two miles! Her final half mile was the strongest and fasted part of the workout.  Amazing.

It was nothing fancy or complicated; just three friends on an anonymous bike path one Sunday morning doing their own thing.  But in its own very simple way, what happened during that half hour was truly inspiring.  Sue could have used any number of excuses to give up – and at times she tried to quit – “It is too cold.”  “My legs are sore.”  “My ankles hurt.” “The cold air hurts my lungs.” “I can’t do it, I just can’t.”  While all of these things were to some degree true, in the end, she refused to quit.  She did what she set out to do.  She accomplished one of her first running goals.  And in that moment I felt such pride; not for me, but for Sue.  When I congratulated her I saw the satisfaction written across her face.

At one point I looked at Sue and I said, “We just did something good for ourselves and good for our families.”  She smiled and said, “Thank you.”  But most importantly, when I dropped my friends off at their house, Sue asked me if we could exercise again tomorrow evening.  I said, “Absolutely.”

Too often people get overly self-absorbed.  But this weekend, during a half hour on a Sunday, I realized that by taking time to focus on friends’ exercise goals I reaped great rewards.  Sue, in particular, helped me to rediscover so many of the things that led me to embrace exercise in the first place.  She reminded me that exercise can be hard and painful, but it can also be an inspiring and deeply rewarding journey; a journey well worth taking. 

Whatever happens going forward, Sunday was a great day.  I feel refreshed, renewed and optimistic – about my friends, about my running and about life.  I encourage all of you to pay attention to one another, to help one another, and to inspire one another to set goals, to meet goals and to push ourselves to new limits.

 

Support is A Key to Success

It is probably no surprise that weight loss relies on motivation, discipline, healthy eating, portion control and regular exercise.  And while all of these things are critical for success, it can be easy to overlook how important it is to have “support” during your journey.

Some weight loss programs offer support through weekly group meetings.  Others offer it through internet discussion boards, interactive blogs and/or other electronic chat options.  All of these things can be valuable.  If any of these things work for you then you should use them.  But my weight loss journey was much more solitary.  I did not join any program or support group.  No one agreed to lose weight with me.  And I did not join any exercise classes or find a work out partner.  For the most part, I did it on my own. 

But the words “for the most part” are important.  Just because I did not join a support group or have a weight loss/workout partner does not mean that I did not have lots of support.  I had a lot of support and it came in many different shapes and sizes. 

In the beginning, I received enormous support from my family and close friends.  People provided me with inspiration, encouragement and compliments.  While these things are simple enough, they really do matter.  They helped to build self-confidence and a positive attitude which helped provide a good foundation for success.

Beyond inspiration and encouragement, for me at least, support meant minimizing opportunities for sabotage – intentional or otherwise.  During the first few months of my commitment to a healthier lifestyle my wife and children were careful not to keep “junk food” and other temptations around the house.  Within just a few months though I reached a point where that was no longer necessary, my family was free to eat and drink anything they wanted anytime they wanted.  I developed a lot of self-discipline.  All of that support during those early months of my journey was crucial to my success.

Finally, it was helpful for me to talk to people about my health and fitness goals.  I talked to everyone – family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc.   Talking to people had so many benefits.  Most people were enormously generous with their encouragement, praise and wisdom.  I found many interactions with people truly inspiring.  It was surprising how many eating/exercising tips that people shared with me.  Finally, and this was a bit unexpected, sometimes my successes appeared to inspire others.  Not only did this make me feel good, but it inspired me to continue my journey.  Sharing my story – successes, struggles and failures yielded more benefits than I ever imagined possible.

Ultimately, we all need support.  But everyone is different.  Each of us needs different kinds of support to feel good about ourselves and to nurture our success.  Make sure you recognize what kind of support you need and surround yourself with as much of that support as possible.  The more support you have the greater your chances for continued success.

Find Your Motivation

People occasionally say, “I love all of the weight loss ideas and exercise tips, but can you tell me how to find the motivation to lose weight?”  The short answer is, “No.”  There is no simple answer.  Everyone is different; we all live unique lives and we all experience the world differently.  There is no one size fits all answer to this question.  So while I have no definitive answers, I can offer some insights about how I found my personal motivation.  Hopefully parts of my story will inspire you find your own motivation.

As I shared with everyone in an earlier blog entry, my motivation to lose weight came from a strong desire to not to be the biggest person in the room anymore.  And while this is what drove me, it was not something that I discovered easily– this too was a process.

Human beings are remarkably adaptable.  We often adjust our behavior without consciously recognizing it.  For example, anyone who knows me well knows that when I travel I pack very lightly.  In fact, for more than twenty years, excluding a nearly three week trip to Argentina, I never checked a bag on an airplane.  I was an expert at packing everything I need in a carry-on bag.  Sadly though, this expertise was not something to proud of, it was the product of an almost paralyzing fear.  I never checked a bag because I was afraid that the airline might lose it. 

While no one wants to lose their luggage, for most people lost luggage is little more than an inconvenience easily remedied by a trip to a local department store.  In my case though, I was too large to shop in department stores.  I shopped exclusively in “Big and Tall” stores.  Unfortunately, unless you are traveling to a large urban area, there may not be a big and tall store available.  And even if there is a store, there is no guarantee that a given store would have had my size. The fear of losing my luggage and not being able to find clothes that fit me was a terrifying prospect.  The solution was simple; no checked luggage meant no lost clothes.  Problem solved.

If being overweight had forced me to make just this one accommodation it would have been no big deal.  But I slowly came to realize that my size led me to make various adaptations in virtually every social situation.  For example, I consciously steered clear of restaurants with small booths/chairs or bathrooms with exceptionally small stalls.  I avoided flying certain airlines because the seats were particularly small and uncomfortable.  Similarly, when I went places with friends I almost always drove because I didn’t fit comfortably in an average car.  I could provide dozens of examples, but I think you get my point.

And while the physical challenges were difficult, the psychological stress was worse.  Whenever I was in public, people stared at me, often in obvious ways.  I knew why.  And it hurt me deeply.  All too often my sensitivity to how others saw me led me to change my public behavior.  For example, my close friends and family know that I rarely eat dessert.  While most people think I just don’t care for sweets, the truth is that all too often I felt judged by people when I ordered dessert.  In my head I imagined that people were watching me and thinking, “He really doesn’t need that piece of cake.”  Whether it was true or not, that became an increasingly heavy burden to carry.

When I said that I decided to lose weight because I got tired of being the biggest person in the room, what I really mean is that I got tired of the physical and psychological burden associated with being overweight in public places.  I reached a point where I desperately wanted to be free from worrying about how to deal with size related obstacles – both physical and mental. 

More than anything, I wanted to know what it was like to be in public without making physical accommodations or being on the receiving end of judgmental stares.  Over time I slowly felt trapped by my size.  After a lot of soul searching, I imagined what that new life might be like, I pursued it and today that is the life I lead.  If you are seeking motivation to lose weight, imagine the life that you want to lead.  Keep that vision in your mind.  Go for it!

Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth without Breaking the Calorie Bank

After my last blog entry someone dropped me a note and said, “Glad to hear how versatile beans can be, but what I am supposed to do with my sweet tooth?”  Good question.

The short answer is, do not ignore your sweet tooth.  During my weight loss I did not eliminate anything from my diet.  Instead, I ate sweets and other favorite foods like pizza in moderation.  Also, whenever possible I tried to satisfy my craving for sweets by making a better choice.

More often than not, the key to effective weight loss is moderation, creativity and convenience.  I applied these same simple principles to enjoying sweet treats.  During the height of my weight loss, I still ate the occasional piece of cheesecake, my favorite dessert – perhaps once a month or so.  But most of the time, when I craved something sweet I opted for satisfying, low calorie, convenient and creative options. Here are some sweet tooth satisfying options for approximately 50-100 calories:

 

All Natural Frozen Fruit Bar – Edy’s makes a tasty bar for just 50 calories.

Ice Cream Float – Pour a can of any diet soda over a half a cup of your favorite light ice-cream.

Sugar Free Jello – I love the cherry!  Add a dollop of Cool Whip for a tasty treat.

Hard Candy – Jolly Rancher suckers are flavorful, long lasting, satisfying and only 60 calories; and remember you don’t have to finish the whole things at one time.

Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Squares (70% cocoa or more) – Healthy and delicious.

Fresh Smoothies – Blend a cup of fresh berries with a teaspoon of honey.

Frozen Sherbet – I always found a half cup of orange or berry sherbet quite enjoyable.

Ocean Spray Fruit Snacks – A small snack pack of chewy sweetness hits the spot for only 80 calories.

Most of the time these “better” options satisfied my sweet tooth, every now and then I needed something a bit more.  Instead of eating a whole donut or an entire piece of cheesecake, I learned that two bites of my children’s favorite desserts were often enough for me.  I could satisfy my craving, avoid feeling deprived and still not break the calorie bank.

Next time you have crave something sweet, try one of the above ideas.  In fact, come up with some of your own low calorie ways to satisfy that sweet tooth.  And most importantly, please don’t forget to share your ideas with the rest of us!