As I shared with everyone in an earlier blog entry, my
motivation to lose weight came from a strong desire to not to be the biggest
person in the room anymore. And while
this is what drove me, it was not something that I discovered easily– this too was
a process.
Human beings are remarkably adaptable. We often adjust our behavior without
consciously recognizing it. For example,
anyone who knows me well knows that when I travel I pack very lightly. In fact, for more than twenty years,
excluding a nearly three week trip to Argentina, I never checked a bag on an airplane. I was an expert at packing everything I need
in a carry-on bag. Sadly though, this
expertise was not something to proud of, it was the product of an almost
paralyzing fear. I never checked a bag
because I was afraid that the airline might lose it.
While no one wants to lose their luggage, for most people lost
luggage is little more than an inconvenience easily remedied by a trip to a local
department store. In my case though, I
was too large to shop in department stores.
I shopped exclusively in “Big and Tall” stores. Unfortunately, unless you are traveling to a
large urban area, there may not be a big and tall store available. And even if there is a store, there is no
guarantee that a given store would have had my size. The fear of losing my
luggage and not being able to find clothes that fit me was a terrifying prospect. The solution was simple; no checked luggage
meant no lost clothes. Problem solved.
If being overweight had forced me to make just this one
accommodation it would have been no big deal.
But I slowly came to realize that my size led me to make various adaptations
in virtually every social situation. For
example, I consciously steered clear of restaurants with small booths/chairs or
bathrooms with exceptionally small stalls.
I avoided flying certain airlines because the seats were particularly
small and uncomfortable. Similarly, when
I went places with friends I almost always drove because I didn’t fit
comfortably in an average car. I could provide
dozens of examples, but I think you get my point.
And while the physical challenges were difficult, the
psychological stress was worse. Whenever
I was in public, people stared at me, often in obvious ways. I knew why.
And it hurt me deeply. All too
often my sensitivity to how others saw me led me to change my public
behavior. For example, my close friends
and family know that I rarely eat dessert.
While most people think I just don’t care for sweets, the truth is that
all too often I felt judged by people when I ordered dessert. In my head I imagined that people were
watching me and thinking, “He really doesn’t need that piece of cake.” Whether it was true or not, that became an
increasingly heavy burden to carry.
When I said that I decided to lose weight because I got
tired of being the biggest person in the room, what I really mean is that I got
tired of the physical and psychological burden associated with being overweight
in public places. I reached a point
where I desperately wanted to be free from worrying about how to deal with size
related obstacles – both physical and mental.
More than anything, I wanted to know what it was like to be
in public without making physical accommodations or being on the receiving end
of judgmental stares. Over time I slowly
felt trapped by my size. After a lot of
soul searching, I imagined what that new life might be like, I pursued it and
today that is the life I lead. If you
are seeking motivation to lose weight, imagine the life that you want to
lead. Keep that vision in your mind. Go for it!
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